oh isn't that sweet? it's brand new justice ammy alito! he looks so happy walking in! poor breyer inbetween him and clarence thomas! somebody feed him a dramamine!
condi steps out. good gravy she's looking foxy tonight. there's attorney general gonzalez! i'm fucking starstruck just sitting on my couch - how can those a-hole members of congress contain themselves?
oh great jolly rumsfeld! how spirited you laugh on national television before the speaker's podium!
oh fuck yes! chertoff is in the house. try not to piss yourselves, congressmen!
three words: norman. fucking. mineta. secretary of transportation doesn't give a fuck: he'll privatize him some amtrak and then he'll take a shit and he won't care. the man is a prince. prince of the cabinet. most princely of secretaries is he.
bill livingood belts it out - that man still has his man-testes. he's yelling at the press: "move back, bitches!" bill livingood will beat that photographer in his stupid face. the president's coming through, poopstains! grovel before him!
bush kisses condoleeza. bush hesitates to kiss alito. bush shakes the hand of the joint chiefs. he doesn't kiss them either. then he skips up on the podium like a dandy and chuckles like a wee scottish lad in his highland knickers. what would happen now if the teleprompter broke like it did on clinton? answer: everyone would poop themselves.
oh how sweet, he's leading off with a coretta scott king memorial, and how touching of NBC to flash up their own coretta scott memorial graphic!. then he wastes no time reminding everyone about 9/11. his ears are especially elfin tonight. and like a prick, he subtly accuses all of his opponents of being cruel.
pursue the enemies of freedom!
warns against isolation and protectionism! who the fuck is advocating that?
we seek the end of tyranny! (good job so far!)
ah, so it's weapons of mass murder now? where have i been?
"the terrorists have chosen the weapon of fear" - i think my first clue was when they earned the name "terror-ist". does "fear" count as a "weapon of mass murder?"
cheney takes a sip from his water like a palsied ogre.
how exactly would the united states "retreat from the world?" is such a move possible? let's talk more about this.
cut to lynne cheney with some little girl - how sweet! the girl hates evildoers. she loves freedom and nick lachey.
"i am confident in the will of the iraqi people" - you are also a crazy bastard.
"there is a difference between responsible criticism...and defeatism!... second guessing is not a strategy!" : 1) responsible criticism is criticism that comes from republicans. 2) holy shit, john murtha and his democratic henchmen want to put bin laden and zarqawi in charge of iraq! hide the kids!
[pause for brief jingoistic exploitation of military death]
holy crap, andy card looks like a pedophile!
isolationism mentioned again. who advocates this...? ah, i see! so isolationism = against the war! you isolationist savages wear your hemp and flash your peace signs while the kids in zambia die of the river blindness!
others want to centralize more power in washington by raising taxes!!!! you democrat fucks! thank you president bush for stopping their insidious power grab!
promises to save 14 billion by cutting social programs while saying it's also important to renew the tax cuts (that cost $880 billion!
actually lies outright on the amount of money it will take to save social security. bush wags finger at democrats who embarrass him.
you democrats with your partisanship! a-holes!
mentions immigration, amnesty. conservatives fart audibly in protest.
ah, 'making use of electronic records' will help me pay my $1000 hospital bill from last month! thank you president!
and once again we repeat the outright lie that lawsuits and lawyers cost consumers more than insurance bitches.
the future of american energy?: coal and nuclear power.
hey dick: the research is done on alternative fuels. we know how they work. federal funding needs to go into infrastructure. oh shit, that's socialism!
time to talk about education: flash back to lynne cheney and the kid. how cute.
math and science education though: probably the first part of the speech that makes sense. we're going to get donged on this. we're already being donged.
secretary of education margaret spellings? fox.
no child left behind act? donkey poop.
"our greatness is measured in who we are and how we treat one another" -- fuck yeah, torture!
"a revolution of conscience!" the kiddies are going conservative, bitches!
it's feelgood time!: "everyone, republican and democrat, has a right to be proud of our record"
i know! let's equate jack abramoff and gay marriage!
laura bush has creepy blue fake contact lenses, like some kind of fremin robotress.
ah, katrina talk! hey, it's not my fault, it's the locals! hey you fucks! the schools sucked and that's why you're homeless now!
someone's nokia cell phone goes off during AIDS talk
finale: "every great victory in history comes to a point in choosing"
...and so has every great failure.
